Lord, That I May See

This is my new favorite song!

My baby is a toddler now. She is 10 months old today. She's walking now -- faster and steadier every day. She's eating three meals each day. She feeds herself with a spoon, and drinks from a little glass on her own. She actually plays with a purpose, noticeably sustains an activity, and tries to imitate most things she sees. She screeches when you take something away or stop her at something, the beginnings of toddler willfulness. She won't sleep in my arms or be cuddled or held for long--she wants to be down and moving. Her gaze is always outward and forward, ready to go, ready to interact, ready to explore. That old familiar bittersweet feeling of loss washes over me. I rejoice in her bright eyes and her walking feet. But why do they have be looking and walking away from me? They grow up so fast. Lord, help me savor every minute.

from http://thesimplewoman.blogspot.com/ FOR TODAY October 27th 2008 Outside My Window... Clouds and wind and an orange tree. I am thinking ... of this book: Remember it? The little house gets sadder and sadder as the buildings and roads and gray-ness surround it. The window-eyes sag and the colors fade. It can no longer see the seasons change and the stars in the sky. I always felt so sad for this little house growing up. Now I know how it felt. I am thankful for... a slow dance with my dear husband in the dark to one of "our" songs. We had a long hard week and I've missed him. From the kitchen... a empty brownie pan. :) I am wearing... jamies and clogs. (I'm always tempted to dress extra nice on Mondays so I can "look good" on the internet. And then I laugh at myself. Whatever!) I am creating... a costume for Turtle. She's going to be Dorothy and I bought the fabric and pattern to sew a costume for her for about $20. I'm excited because it is goi...

In honor of the anniversary of our engagement, October 22, 2004. We missed it this week and I missed you. PUSH Every time I look at you the world just melts away All my troubles all my fears dissolve in your affections You've seen me at my weakest but you take me as I am And when I fall you offer me a softer place to land [CHORUS:] You stay the course you hold the line you keep it all together You're the one true thing I know I can believe in You're all the things that I desire, you save me, you complete me You're the one true thing I know I can believe I get mad so easy but you give me room to breathe No matter what I say or do 'cause you're to good to fight about it Even when I have to push just to see how far you'll go You wont stoop down to battle but you never turn to go [CHORUS] Your love is just the antidote when nothing else will cure me There are times I cant decide when I cant tell up from down You make me feel less crazy when otherwise I'd dro...

Turtle is handling my cell-phone. She turns to me and says seriously, " You phone might hurt my brain." ( I had told her this before. I don't let her touch my phone because of information like this: http://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2008/08/26/cell-phone-dangers-what-they-don-t-want-you-to-see.aspx ) Me: "Yes, it might." Turtle, pointing to the top of her head: "Up here?" Me: "Yes, your brains are . . . um . . . under your hair, or hmm . . . inside your head." Turtle, after processing this for a minute: "We don't wanna open my head. It wull be broken and I wull have glass in my hair . . . . Oh! There's glass in my head! And there's glass in Baby [Rosebud's] head too! Me, reassuring: "No, there's no glass in your head, just brains. And we won't open it or break it." Turtle, nodding, satisfied: "It's closed. My brains is closed. AND, its werwy, werwy LOCKED." ...

because, though I'm sure I have thoughts in my head somewhere, they are rather lost right now in a the haze of tiredness. :) Turtle's thought process: "One spoonful of applesauce for you, and two for me, one spoonful for you and one . . . well, maybe three . . . or four, and then one tiny spoonful for you."

I was talking to a friend of mine from college a few weeks ago as his wife was taking pictures of our girls playing together. He told me that once their camera was missing for a few weeks and he described this as a tragedy of unparalleled proportion for his wife. "We didn't have a camera for three whole weeks. It was just horrible." he said, dryly, a smile in the corners of his mouth. I laughed. Of course, we mothers have to have ten trillion pictures of everything our child does! Missing a whole three weeks of essential life-living that your child does -- well, it'd be like it never happened! :) The other day was one of those days. It was the most perfect and happiest fall morning one could ever wish for -- cool, crisp air, yellow leaves on green grass, golden sun on bright hair, happy smiles on chubby faces . . . and no camera. At first, it was like a tragedy! I couldn't record this moment, frozen in time, for posterity! I wouldn't be able to look back at t...

As Summer into Autumn slips by Emily Dickinson As Summer into Autumn slips And yet we sooner say "The Summer" than "the Autumn," lest We turn the sun away, And almost count it an Affront The presence to concede Of one however lovely, not The one that we have loved -- So we evade the charge of Years On one attempting shy The Circumvention of the Shaft Of Life's Declivity. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I love Emily Dickinson when I feel melancholy. It is like she is forming my own poor thoughts and making them shimmer with a beauty and clarity that they don't have on their own. Like I said last year: http://thegreatestgiftsofgod.blogspot.com/2007/11/autumn-thoughts.html and I can say it all again. Every single autumn . . . And this year there is the added sadness of missing this achingly beautiful season at home. How many more autumns till I am home again?

Rosebud LOVES "Freaking/Scratchy" :) She cries very hard when we put the creature back up on the shelf. Here she is! She really is rather cute.

from http://thesimplewoman.blogspot.com/ FOR TODAY October 6, 2008 Outside My Window... the trees are gaining subtle tints of fall I am thinking ... how tired I am of getting unsolicted "advice" on how to deal with my strong-willed daughter. It's making me really angry. I am thankful for... my sister and our long talk yesterday. From the kitchen... NOTHING. I need to go to the grocery store SO bad. (But, yay for saving money by eating leftovers and canned beans!) I am wearing... jeans, a Hollister polo (!) -- my sisters would be so proud of me :) -- flip-flops. I am creating... a family home video of 2007-2008 on Windows Movie Maker I am going... to quit procrastinating on the computer . . . in a minute :) I am reading... hmm . . . it's been a week since I read anything. :( I am hoping... that I can work on some seriously frustrating character flaws in myself starting now I am hearing... random appliances humming and nothing else! Around the house... Work ...

(It's not a baby.) It's a hamster. You'll never guess what Turtle named it. It's terrible. Her name is "Freaking Hamster." No matter how much I protest: "Her name is Scratchy!" "Scratchy" is not sticking. "Freaking" is. Driving to the pet store, Mommy was complaining, um, I mean, noting how it would be another little creature to care for -- change her wood chips, feed her (1 tsp of chopped greens every day, 1 tsp of chopped fruit twice a week as well as a pinch of oatmeal, plus regular hamster food -- c'mon, didn't you all know that?), give her clean water, supervise holding sessions, and heaven forbid she ever gets out! Anyways, Daddy, whose idea this whole thing was, and who practically loves the cute little thing, says: "ITS ONLY A FREAKING HAMSTER!" And then the little voice from the back of the car says, "It's a freaking hamster, Mommy! We are getting a freaking hamster." Clear as a bell she s...

And I usually think these things are so dumb, but I have a obsession with anything Jane Austen related. I actually used to wish I lived in a Jane Austen novel. :) Take the Quiz here! You are Elinor Dashwood, of Sense and Sensibility . You are practical, circumspect and discreet. Though you are tremendously sensible and allow your head to rule, you have a deep, emotional side that few people often see. Is this me? :) I DO like Elinor in the book, though for some reason Emma Thompson annoys me in the movie -- she's so stifled all the time. These things are so weird. :)

I want to go home. Please?