Lord, That I May See

Six months ago I wrote this: http://thegreatestgiftsofgod.blogspot.com/2007/08/tyrant-in-my-house.html Today, the tyrannical streak in my little girl reached an all time high. We were walking along the driveway. Turtle was tromping through every lowish, muddy spot in her yellow boots. I was walking beside her, avoiding said spots. Turning to me she said firmly, "Mommy, walk 'is way. 'Is way!" She was pointing at the ground where she was standing -- the pothole with the squishy mud. I stared at her, wondering if I was misunderstanding. "No, honey, Mommy's walking right here." "Nooo! ' Is way!! Mommy, walk ." Is this really happening?? Am I being told where to WALK now??

I'll miss you for always. I'll miss your soft hands and your sweet smile. Though we are lost without you, our Grammy, you get to go home and see your Lenny now, after all these years without him. And that makes me smile through my tears. I love you, Grammy. Goodbye.

We saw the river as we were pulling in to the little train station. It was Bernadette's river--rushing freshly, gray and blue, swirling in little rapids and waterfalls. It looked, somehow, just how it seemed to me that it should -- full of strength, potency and fresh life. It was evening on the 12th of May, 2004. We were all tired from nearly two weeks of traveling -- trains and hostels, luggage and sightseeing, planning and walking . . . and cold. It had been so cold. Colder than we had planned, a wintry cold. We stood in the small, unprepossessing station as dusk fell. And some of us wondered why we were here. This was just a little town, a quick stop on the way out of windy, cold France to warm and sunny Spain. This was Lourdes. The little town in France that in 1858 suddenly became important. But it didn't seem an important stop on our trip. Lourdes had been squeezed in between Paris and Barcelona as a way to appease one who refused to travel with us unless we ...

I have been trying to plan my Lenten resolutions today, something I usually do too late, or half-heartedly. I thought that if I wrote them down here, maybe I would feel more bound to follow through. I resolve to take 15 minutes of time every morning, before the girls are awake, to pray, make a morning offering, and read a meditation for the day. (I would like to attempt a rosary, said throughout the day while nursing the baby, but perhaps that won't happen. Rosaries are challenging for me to get through with any kind of focus.) I resolve to give up my favorite foods for Lent. (I know which these are and this will be the hardest, perhaps.) I resolve to stay off the computer. This does not include checking my email, paying bills, budget sheet upkeep, and placing any necessary orders. (This one is the only resolution that I will "break" from on Sundays and holy days.) I think my husband wants to give up watching movies together in the evenings, so darn it, that means I...

Fresh white moonlight Soft gray shadows Cold air outside my blankets Husband's back rises and falls, warm beside me Baby's soft breaths sigh in my ear Warmth in my bed, my arms and my heart I stay in the moment Peace envelopes me What more do I need?