Lord, That I May See

She bursts into tears one day over her school work: "Nothing I have to do is anything I like doing any more."    She wonders if maybe she doesn't even like reading anymore because none of the books she used to read interest her.  She cries more often and doesn't know why.  She asks adult questions about hard topics, like unwed mothers and euthanasia, government control, divorce and money.  She says to me, when we talk about our hopes to move this summer, "I'd like to move.  I'm ready for a change!"    One is coming for my little woman, move or not, and I'm glad she is ready, because I am not at all sure that I am!  In these moments I can see her changing little by little.   She's fun and friendly, respectful and quiet, justice-loving and a deep thinker.  She's our Turtle.  And I'm always so moved to remember, when her birthday comes around, of the day that she was born, the day I was born into a mother and ...

Heard during the rosary that we are saying together for Lent: Stop laughing! Daddy's sleeping, guys. When you LEAD the rosary you have to speak up! It's MY turn! Do we have to say the WHOLE rosary? Can we knit or color during it or something?  Its so. . . well, boring! Mom, he's saying silly words, not the real ones! I'll be right back, I have ear wax on my finger. And my favorite! Rosebud:  Can you actually SAY the words, [Sunshine]?  Mom, I don't like it when she does that.  We're all trudging the pathway of the rosary and she's just sitting there! Me: What is the path of the rosary like? Rosebud:  Its a mountain.  You go up one side and then at the third decade you start to come down.  At the end there's a flat place with pavilions and food and stuff.

One of our Lenten resolutions as a family is to say the rosary every evening together.  As we name off the list of intentions before we begin, friends and family that need prayers -- a seriously hurt child, a fight with cancer, a priestly vocation, a struggling business, a hoped-for conversion, for clarity of life's pathways -- I think of the line of the Salve Regina, gementes et flentes in hac lacrimarum valle,   "mourning and weeping in this valley of tears."  There are so many tears, Lord!  We all are struggling with something!  Help us! I am nearing my 35th birthday and finally starting to allow myself to say that I have known suffering, without making excuses.  My life has been immensely blessed, even shielded from many of the hard troubles that I see others facing.  In the face of the obvious crosses of people I love or know, I look at my blessed life and scold myself for not being grateful every minute!  Why do I have hard times, I...