Lord, That I May See

Today I watched four trees felled by a machine. The trees were uprooted to make room for a huge brick mansion that is planned in the midst of a neighborhood near where I live. There had been five large trees on the lot and only the smallest one was left. It is the one close enough to the property line and fence to be out of the way of the construction. The other four are now huge piles of wood chips in the lot. I simply wasn't prepared for the horrible lurching and sinking of my heart as I watched. The machine -- huge and orange with a claw that could bend steel beams -- ripped into the ground, tearing, gnashing and clutching at the roots, huge thick, life giving roots that seemed to cling to the ground desperately. Then the metal giant raised its clutches to the treetops, and pushed. Oh, they were such terrible determined pushes! The tree strained against the merciless metal for breathless, lingering seconds, to the very last exerting all the power of its life and vitality, the a...

and wishing so hard I could just wake up in my own room in my own little house, with the sunlight slanting through the old blinds and the maple tree outside my window. I want to go home. Maybe if I were home, being alone in the evenings and the nights wouldn't be so hard. Maybe I could take a deep breath, out there in the freshness and let it all out. All the worries, all the loneliness, all the unsurety, the fear of the future and the frustration of the present. The furrowed brow of the man I love. The anger of the little girl I am understanding less and less. The hardship of my father, my mother, my family. The distance of the God that seems to be letting us alone. I guess it's pretty normal to pin your dreams on one thing, as if, if you could just have that one thing, everything else scary and hard and draining would be fixed. That one thing is my home.

from http://thesimplewoman.blogspot.com/ FOR TODAY July 28th Outside My Window... seven power lines. (I am trying to choose to like my view, I promise!) I am thinking... of my sister in Texas, finishing up the first third of her AMA Primary Training and coming home soon! I am thankful for... naptimes. Oh, how I love naptimes on days such as today, in which the girls in this house cried at least sixteen different times and the mother in this house at least twice! From the kitchen... warm banana bread I am wearing... gray sweatpants and a blue T-shirt from my dear college. Hey, at least I have earrings on, which is a rarity. :) I am creating... should I lie and make something up? No energy for creating right now. I am going... to eat lunch in utter silence and read my book. Yes! I am reading... Brighton Rock, by Graham Greene. I like it much better the second time around, but I'm still thinking it's my least favorite of his so far. I am hoping... for the grace to see clearly w...

We ate: macaroni and cheese, fresh corn on the cob and blueberries. We worked: "sooping" dirt into the flower pots, and then watering our flowers with the watering can. We got dirty. We got clean in the shower. We went to bed. Isn't that what life is all about? :)

Turtle helped me put her "blankie" from her bed from the washer into the dryer. She watched as I turned on the heat. Looking at me seriously, she said: "I'nna stand right dere and wait till all done." Really? Okay! This'll be a nice quiet morning for Mommy. ;)

"Without the Cross there would be many more faithful in the world; but would these be loving souls? For all eternity He wants to be able to thank us for having chosen Him, in sacrifice, for having shared His Cross with Him. When He gives us something to suffer, said little Therese, it is because He wants a gift from us. What gift? A smile on the Cross. He begs for our love, proven by suffering, in order to be able to say, 'It is you who remained with me in the trial.'" ~Fr, Jean C.J. d'Elbee, I Believe in Love "Shall we accept good from the Lord and not trouble?... "Though the fig tree should not blossom, nor fruit be on the vines… and the fields yield no food… yet I will rejoice in the Lord" (Hab. 3:17-18). “And [Samuel] said, ‘It is the Lord; let Him do what seems good to Him’” (1 Sam. 3:18)

http://aholyexperience.com/2008/07/choose-view.html ************************************* Edited to add: http://wholeheart.typepad.com/itakejoy/2008/07/a-very-blue-tue.html God is using the internet to tell me something. Please pray for me -- I am so weak and unfaithful to Him!