Lord, That I May See

2016 wouldn't be complete without telling how we welcomed our 5th child and 4th daughter with great joy on December 14th at 9:39pm.  She had kept us waiting and worrying for almost 2 weeks past her due date and we were especially relieved and happy when she decided to join us with a fast and easy home birth and no complications.  She was 7 lbs, 12 oz of perfection and I can't stop telling her how glad I am that she is finally with us! (Birth story to come--hopefully!)

Body aching, Muscles breaking, Every movement  A creak o r a lurch. Sitting is hard  And walking is harder. Sleep is scanty, Weight is mighty, Time is lessening And patience failing. How many days  Till meeting, my love? Ever the hours Move slowly and thickly. Every tightening  Premonition of birth Blood is still flowing To little feet still kicking. Treasure these moments Of inexorable length! Weary and expectant, Waiting and hoping -- How many days Till meeting, my love?

 October-- Seven months/31 wks This picture is so peaceful... and seems to me so far from reality. Well, far from the surface reality that infuses my everyday.  I grant that there is a deeper reality beneath the everyday trivialities that is full of the beauty and and the peace of dwelling in the light and life of Christ.  I just wish I could feel this peace and see this light.  I feel trapped on the surface in too much to do and too much to be. Most days I feel fragile, like propped up cards ready to topple in a breath.  I limp through the days of homeschooling, and laundry and extra-curricular activities and errands and doctor's appointments and to-do lists and I feel like I am constantly breaking up sibling fights, getting up again after I sit down, getting all of us out the door for things every single day, and trying to find time to eat and shower and listen to my poor body begging for rest.  Where is the peace in all this rushing? It's hard, bea...

Sunshine has been "reading"  for a long time now  (although, to be fair, I haven't been consistently practicing with her for that whole year and a half). She slowly sounds out phonetic words and can haltingly get through the Bob books and the Miss Rhonda's readers .   She has been taught about ch-, sh-, th- and wh- and that when two vowels are together the first one says its name, and magic e.  She knows what "oo" says and many puzzle words.   She's done worksheets and workbooks on these concepts. Since the age of 4 she has chosen hard books off the shelf, gotten herself a bookmark, and running her finger or bookmark along each line in the book, has "read" many, many books very slowly and faithfully, that she is not actually reading . . . just to be the same as Turtle and Rosebud.  She is dying to read!  She wants to be able to read a recipe so she can bake on her own, to get to learn typing, to read books in her bed at night like the bigger...

I have reached the third trimester and with it comes the creeping aches and pains of late pregnancy.  I find myself wishing for Thanksgiving to come, so I that I can be almost done, and at the same time, I am looking forward to the cool, crisp season of fall and the last few months of decent sleep and diaper bag freedom. I found this blog and this beautiful post not long ago and so much of what the author shares rings true for me.  I would not call myself an achiever the way she describes, but I do struggle with resenting and being frustrated by my inability to do what I want to be able to do while pregnant.  I loved her voice saying, "Embrace this season of slowness that feels like weakness.  There is strength to be found there." As I grow closer to my due date, I usually start to count down the weeks . . . 12 weeks till the baby, 11 weeks till I can lie on my stomach/back, 10 weeks till my veins don't ache, 9 weeks until my hips don't hurt . . ....

It's the last week before school starts.  The summer sunlight is different, it gets dark earlier, and the cicadas are loud and insistent about the ending of summer.  I'm always sad to see the passing of summer's long, lazy days.  Being a reluctant homeschooler, I tend to dread the beginning the new year of schooling . . .   I AM grateful for this time with my children, and for my eager learners, but homeschooling is still hard for me even after 4 (official) years.  Maybe its the challenging effort to be all things to all people, and generally feeling, more than ordinary, too needed and spread thin, like butter over too much bread, as the saying goes. :)  Maybe its all the "refereeing" of all the people and their work, directing and re-directing all day long, or the fast-draining patience that I seem to have so little of. . .  Well, of course, I will be okay and this year will go well, I'm sure, in the end.  I just often have to have a little drea...

1.   This was the first Kate Morton book that I have read.  It was beautifully written and engrossing.  I read it on our trip to Florida and had finished all of it in the 5 days.  There was alot of tragedy in it that kept me wishing for something to turn out right for someone though!  However, I have checked out another of her books because of how absorbing it was -- I love a good page-turning book! 2.   I loved Lily Bart.  She was a character of such power and poignancy to me, with her great beauty and, ultimately, her strength alongside her real and understandable weaknesses.  The masterful writing of this book really surpassed all the more recently written books I've been reading this summer.  The ability Edith Wharton had to create with impact a social milieu and detail thoughts and feelings is unsurpassed by more recent, less skilled authors.  The final chapters moved me to tears, even though I knew the s...