Looking Back -- 2015
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| October 2015 |
I am taking a quiet afternoon to attempt to reflect on 2015, using The Art of Simple's 20 questions. Time for reflection is so hard-won that I feel sometimes that I have forgotten how to do it . . . reflect, that is! But I think that this exercise will be time well spent. (If anyone is interested, the last time I did this on my blog was in January 2009!)
1. What was the single best thing that happened this past year?
My husband's company hired a business consultant.
This may not seem like something that should be in this category, but this consultant's advice and guidance as well D's hard work and commitment to changing and growing in his business and personal life has only just begun to bless our family. I have seen the light come back into D's eyes, a burden of worry and fear of failure slip from him. He is happier, more confident, and prouder of his work than ever before. He is more present and more aware in our family home life. Our financial situation is finally starting to stabilize and there is hope for the future. And I know the best is yet to be!
2. What was the single most challenging thing that happened?
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| Rosebud in U8 soccer All Stars |
Truthfully, here I might write something about my ongoing interior struggle with PATIENCE or the challenging path to contentment with this quiet and unnoticed work of being stay at home homeschooling mom to young children . . . . but I will pick out a specific moment that challenged me
In August, Rosebud cut her foot on our vacation and this was terrifying and traumatic for her as the cut was bone-deep and the healing took over a month. But what was so challenging for me was the cold knowledge of how helpless I am to protect my children from pain, and fear and trauma. I was so shaken by her horrible screams as the doctor shot syringe after syringe of Lidocaine into her foot that I was unable to move and felt like a failure because all I did was cry. Her "detox" later that night from the drugs they gave her was intense too. She babbled deliriously on and on about the pain, crying over and over again "Jesus will help me! Why won't he help me? I need Jesus to help me!" and every word stabbed my heart and brought torrents of hot tears. I felt like a failure to be there for her, to help her, to comfort her and the futility of all my desire was chilling.
Some say that "all's well that ends well," and that is true in some sense, as the incident is over and done with. But I see the shadow of the trauma in her eyes at times when the memories come up. And when I think of those helpless moments, awash in her great pain and fear, I know my mother's heart was shredded then and bears the scars even now.
3. What was an unexpected joy this past year?
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| My brother with Sparky--May 2015 |
This is really both a 2014 and a 2015 unexpected joy: having my little brother live with us for almost a year. He used our basement bedroom as his home during the week as he took a year off from school to work and find his bearings. He shared many dinners with us and evenings with the kids, playing puzzles and cards with them and learning to love them. They grew in their love for him to over the months he was with us. We were all blessed by his quietness and sweetness and are the poorer for his moving out.
4. What was an unexpected obstacle?
We had a maddening altercation with our renter. He had been renting our first house since 2008, and often had a hard time paying us, but was finally so far behind in rent that we evicted him. He left the house dirty and the yard trashed. He stole two AC window units. We had to pay thousands of dollars to have 2 dumpsters of his trash removed including over 100 tires. When we went to court to try to obtain the money from him he had grown contentious and denied owing us for it all, and the judge told us that we didn't have the proper documentation, which we hadn't collected based on some faulty advice, to prove what he owed. We walked away without close to $7000 that was owed to us, and we won't be able to pursue the case unless we hire a lawyer, which we don't have the money for.
5. Pick three words to describe this past year.
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| March 2015 |
Full
Learning
Juggling
6. Pick three words your spouse would use to describe your year—don’t ask them; guess based on how you think your spouse sees you. (If you’re not married, have fun guessing the answers from other friends and family, or just skip this question.)
Frankly, I have no idea. I'm going to ask him! :)
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| Our backyard |
7. Pick three words your spouse would use to describe their year—again, without asking.
Exciting
Growth
Goals
8. What were the best books you read this year?
What Alice Forgot, by Liane Moriarty
Hands Free Mama, by Rachel Macy Stafford
The Voyage to Alpha Centauri, by Michael O'Brien
Teaching From Rest: A Homeschooler's Guide to Unshakable Peace, by Sarah MacKenzie
All the Light We Cannot See by Anthony Doerr
The Orphan Master's Son, by Adam Johnson
The Glass Castle by Jeannette Walls
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| Watching hockey -- November 2015 |
9. With whom were your most valuable relationships?
With my God. With my husband. With my children.
Of course. :)
(I would like to add my Mother Mary to that list by next year. In 2016 I am going to pursue a relationship with her.)
10. What was your biggest personal change from January to December of this past year?
I have become more peaceful in my homeschooling. I still am greatly challenged every single homeschooling day to overcome my attitude, my sloth and my fear that I am leaving out something essential. But it is getting easier to breathe deeply and put one foot in front of the other. My children are good at learning. I am good at walking that path with them. In fact, I am the perfect person to do it. God's grace is sufficient for my lack.
11. In what way(s) did you grow emotionally?
I wrote about some of my emotional growth in the area of my marriage in this 10 Lessons in 10 Years
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| Seals at the zoo -- September 2015 |
12. In what way(s) did you grow spiritually?
One of the hardest things about the spiritual life for me is my inability to see my progress. Do I pray more regularly? No. Do I trust God more? I don't know!
St Francis de Sales says "Those anxious searchings of heart about becoming perfect and those attempts to determine whether we are making progress are not at all pleasing to God. They only serve to satisfy our self-love."
So, enough said. :)
13. In what way(s) did you grow physically?
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| Gymnastics --March 2015 |
I am slowly but surely moving toward making better food choices on a regular day, not just "diet" day. I completed a 5 Day Bowel Detox in the summer and a Whole30 in the early fall. Both were an accomplishment for me of the weak will power. :)
14. In what way(s) did you grow in your relationships with others?
I think that towards my husband I am not as needy as I have tended to be. I hope that I have grown in not seeing him as a human shaped plug for the hole in my "bucket."
When I think of my relationship with my children, I sigh. They daily and hourly push me to the stretching point. I am (please?) learning lessons in compromising some of my more rigid ideas about how things should be done, to the gloriously different good ideas that they have.
15. What was the most enjoyable part of your work (both professionally and at home)?
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| Sunshine in the Atrium -- March 2015 |
The most enjoyable part of my work at home is folding laundry, still. There is something I love about smoothing and soothing a tumbled basket into order. And I can listen to podcasts or an audiobook while I do it! :)
In the Atrium, I love to give the presentation to the children of the Gifts of Baptism. It is one of my very favorites.
16. What was the most challenging part of your work (both professionally and at home)?
At home, it still is the FOOD. Mostly the food planning and the food shopping. There is this constant fight of healthy vs easy, what people like vs what they should eat, the closer more expensive store vs the farther cheaper store. It makes my head hurt.
In the Atrium, I am challenged by my impulse to over-control the child or the presentation I am giving, the difficulty I have being flexible when the "rules" aren't being followed. I often think I know best. :)
17. What was your single biggest time waster in your life this past year?
Sigh. My iPhone. Online "shopping" that can't or doesn't result in any purchases.
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| Turtle getting her division champion medal -- Nov 2015 |
18. What was the best way you used your time this past year?
Other than the rather obvious answer of "spending it on my relationships," I am happy to have incorporated more home-educator self-education into my time, mostly through the wonderful Read Aloud Revival podcast.
19. What was biggest thing you learned this past year?
Oh dear. I wish this was something that came to my head with perfect clarity. Maybe I have begun to learn that God's work is slow and careful and patient. If I go rushing and tearing through everything and everyone I am simply following a recipe for unhappiness.
20. Create a phrase or statement that describes this past year for you.
These are good times.
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