10 Lessons in 10 Years, Part 2
Continuing my thoughts today, with five more lessons I am learning about being married . . .
Be responsible for your own happiness
It is too much to place on another person the weight of responsibility for your happiness. Of course, in any relationship, the one's well-being necessarily affects the other, but ultimately you can choose to be happy on your own. No one can steal your joy, and by the same token no one human being can create it for you.
Take your needs to God
Or, as my mother would say, "don't be a black hole." A black hole sucks everything close by into itself and swallows it, without giving anything back and without anything changing or affecting that hole. If you expect all your needs to be met by your spouse you will be disillusioned and discouraged by how human they end up being. I will be learning the lesson all my life of these words: "The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want." No one can deprive me of anything, there is no need of mine that is not met. What does this really mean? We cannot find the answer solely in our marriage.
Respect their work too
The success of the marriage and the family is not all up to you. They have different ideas than you, they have different dreams than you, and they have different work than you. It isn't all on your shoulders and you don't always know best. Give the other the credit of being the mature, strong and good person that you married.
Don't look at other people's marriages
Otherwise known as, keep your eyes on your own work. Everything you see over there just tells a portion of the full story. I can easily become dissatisfied over how my marriage is not living up to a starry ideal of someone else's life or of our own past. Be so grateful for every bit of your now, and try, try not to compare!
The story isn't over yet
If you stopped reading a book right in the middle, if you had read the introduction and the rising action and you were in the thick of the climax when you quit, you may very well think that story was no good. But you haven't even gotten to the resolution that is coming! You know that this story has a happy ending, but you just don't know how its going to get there. God is working on everything for you and with you. He has a perfect plan that is being carried out with tender care for the best happiness of both of you. Tough, maybe, and not what you may have thought when the story just started out, but you are stronger now and this is the real crucible of all the good stuff still to come.
As I have quoted before, from the forward to my edition of The Hiding Place: "[Corrie] looked forward to each new year . . . because of a phrase her father repeated whenever the family gathered for a birthday celebration . . . the best is yet to be! It was more than an expression of optimism, Corrie said; it was the summation of her father's faith. Whatever the current hardship, whatever the outward appearances, he knew that beneath those appearances God was in charge, bringing His kingdom to pass. And since that was true, better things than anyone could imagine were in the making. . . ."
(Hallie speaks to this much better than I in her post Your Love Story isn't Over Yet.)
I love you, honey, and I'm glad I'm married to you.
Our 5 year anniversary post
Part 1 of the 10 lessons
Be responsible for your own happiness
It is too much to place on another person the weight of responsibility for your happiness. Of course, in any relationship, the one's well-being necessarily affects the other, but ultimately you can choose to be happy on your own. No one can steal your joy, and by the same token no one human being can create it for you.
Take your needs to God
Or, as my mother would say, "don't be a black hole." A black hole sucks everything close by into itself and swallows it, without giving anything back and without anything changing or affecting that hole. If you expect all your needs to be met by your spouse you will be disillusioned and discouraged by how human they end up being. I will be learning the lesson all my life of these words: "The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want." No one can deprive me of anything, there is no need of mine that is not met. What does this really mean? We cannot find the answer solely in our marriage.
Respect their work too
The success of the marriage and the family is not all up to you. They have different ideas than you, they have different dreams than you, and they have different work than you. It isn't all on your shoulders and you don't always know best. Give the other the credit of being the mature, strong and good person that you married.
Don't look at other people's marriages
Otherwise known as, keep your eyes on your own work. Everything you see over there just tells a portion of the full story. I can easily become dissatisfied over how my marriage is not living up to a starry ideal of someone else's life or of our own past. Be so grateful for every bit of your now, and try, try not to compare!
The story isn't over yet
If you stopped reading a book right in the middle, if you had read the introduction and the rising action and you were in the thick of the climax when you quit, you may very well think that story was no good. But you haven't even gotten to the resolution that is coming! You know that this story has a happy ending, but you just don't know how its going to get there. God is working on everything for you and with you. He has a perfect plan that is being carried out with tender care for the best happiness of both of you. Tough, maybe, and not what you may have thought when the story just started out, but you are stronger now and this is the real crucible of all the good stuff still to come.
As I have quoted before, from the forward to my edition of The Hiding Place: "[Corrie] looked forward to each new year . . . because of a phrase her father repeated whenever the family gathered for a birthday celebration . . . the best is yet to be! It was more than an expression of optimism, Corrie said; it was the summation of her father's faith. Whatever the current hardship, whatever the outward appearances, he knew that beneath those appearances God was in charge, bringing His kingdom to pass. And since that was true, better things than anyone could imagine were in the making. . . ."
(Hallie speaks to this much better than I in her post Your Love Story isn't Over Yet.)
I love you, honey, and I'm glad I'm married to you.
Our 5 year anniversary post
Part 1 of the 10 lessons
Comments
Your words of experience so touched me, I sent them to my husband to read. You have such deep reflections here. Thank you for sharing from your heart. I wonder if it was hard to share such personal thoughts. I really really appreciated these two posts. Thank you for writing them.