Thoughts on Jealousy, Mine and Sunshine's

One morning at breakfast:

Sunshine:  "When the new baby comes I will hold it and kiss it."
Me: "Yes, you will!"
Then Sunshine pauses, looks at me and says, "And you will kiss me and then I will break the baby's legs."
She fake-laughs kind of sheepishly, looking at me closely the whole time.
I don't really react.  How does one react to that?  I think I change the subject.

 Later she is looking at the cover of this book:

Sunshine, wistfully: "I wish that Mommy bunny could hold me. Does that Mommy bunny like her baby?"
 Me: "Yes, Mommies always like their babies."
Then I hug her and smooch on her just like the Mommy bunny is doing on her baby.  
She smiles a little, but I can tell she is still thinking about something serious.

And then I realize.
She's jealous.
She's already starting to struggle with the dilemma of being "replaced" as the baby -- something that every child with a younger sibling has to face.  I guess I thought that she wouldn't go through this so early, since she's 3 and I see her as understanding more of what is going on.  The mother I once was would have felt guilty over this struggle of hers, feeling that there was something I wasn't doing for her.  But I am thankful for the peace of heart to know that there is nothing that I could have done to prevent this for her.   I know that she's a big girl and a strong girl and she can do this.  We can do this.

Yet I've never had a child old enough during a pregnancy to be so articulate about this struggle before!  Yes, like the other girls once did she has been acting babyish and talking babyish and asking about how nursing was and seems more attached to her pacifier.  But now she's also talking about it.  And I'm sure that it is good to be able to do so! This is part of her figuring out how to adjust her view of herself and her place in the family.  It's an age-old dilemma and a age-old question that she is facing -- do I still matter?  Am I still loved?  ( I like how the book Siblings Without Rivalry draws the connection to how an adult might feel if their spouse got another husband or wife "because they loved having the first one so much."  A little extreme perhaps but it got the point across for me.)  

After a phone chat with my mother to get some advice, I had a little talk with Sunshine.  I told her how I had noticed that she was thinking about the new baby and seemed to be worrying about some things.  She was nodding as I spoke.  I talked about how much love I have in my heart for all my family, love for Daddy, love for Turtle, love for Rosebud, love for Sunshine and love for the new baby.  Love in my heart enough for everyone.  Then I talked about how things will change and that might be hard sometimes and how all of us will have to adjust to a new baby.  And then I reminded her of the Good Shepherd, and from my memory of the words of Scripture, I recited to her the story.
 "And Sunshine," I said, "the Good Shepherd has lots of sheep, doesn't he?"

She nodded.
"And He takes care of all His sheep, doesn't he?  He loves all His sheep."
She nodded again.

I left the little talk at that.  She back to her play happier.  I hope I was "simple and essential" for her.  There is always a time in life in which the people one loves will not be "enough," will not meet all ones needs, and that is where Jesus comes in.  Jesus will be there for Sunshine.

I'm sure we will be talking about the changes and the baby often as the last months go by and when the baby arrives.  I have been trying to tell her at bedtime, "I love my special [Sunshine]!"  Sometimes she just smiles.  Once or twice she has said a bit sadly, "AND you love your special baby."  But I keep telling her that I love her and pray that she will know that surely.

And I think the talk made an impact.  A couple times since she has talked about all the people that she has "in her heart," the people that she loves.  It's always a long list!  So maybe she does understand.  As I find so often, children understand far more than we think they do!