Thoughts on Teenagers and Freedom
I know, I know. I don't have teenagers, so what do I know? Still, I have been thinking . . .
Last night I was talking with a woman about her 19 year old daughter. She was commenting on her daughter's desire to get a second hole pierced in her ears, wear earrings her mother doesn't like and clothes that just barely pass the modesty standard of the family. She wasn't happy with these little rebellions in her daughter. But mind you, I'm thinking at this point how this daughter is a remarkably good and responsible girl.
So I said something mildly about trusting children and about how little rebellions might be preferable to bigger ones later, but I knew she didn't think much of my thoughts. I also related how two of my brothers (20 and 18) had wanted to get tattoos honoring their friend with terminal cancer and my mother, while I'm sure she let them know that she was aghast, and immediately printed up an article on the toxicity of tattoos :) ultimately let them make their own decision. This woman missed the point of my story in exclaiming over how bad tattoos are.
(By the way, my brothers so far have decided against it, and although I'm sure Mom would have been upset if they had gotten one, I wonder if maybe that would have been a lesser evil than the flat-out forbidding of tattoos to an almost-adult child.)
Just thoughts ... Some children never rebel in these ways. I was happy to be dutiful and make my parents happy. My expressions of individuality were limited to something like listening to "popular music" and wearing perfume when my parents didn't do either. :) But I have strong-willed and opinionated daughters and I just wonder... What am I in for?
This may be a pipe dream, but I hope to do things differently than the woman who controls her 19 year old's earring choices. I hope to trust my daughters, to have faith in the years of values that I have worked to instill. And then at the age that seems right, to take a breath, say a prayer, stop controlling, put aside my preferences, look them in their eyes and say: "I trust you and I know that you will make good choices."
And God willing, they will. :) And if not, I will love them just the same.
Last night I was talking with a woman about her 19 year old daughter. She was commenting on her daughter's desire to get a second hole pierced in her ears, wear earrings her mother doesn't like and clothes that just barely pass the modesty standard of the family. She wasn't happy with these little rebellions in her daughter. But mind you, I'm thinking at this point how this daughter is a remarkably good and responsible girl.
So I said something mildly about trusting children and about how little rebellions might be preferable to bigger ones later, but I knew she didn't think much of my thoughts. I also related how two of my brothers (20 and 18) had wanted to get tattoos honoring their friend with terminal cancer and my mother, while I'm sure she let them know that she was aghast, and immediately printed up an article on the toxicity of tattoos :) ultimately let them make their own decision. This woman missed the point of my story in exclaiming over how bad tattoos are.
(By the way, my brothers so far have decided against it, and although I'm sure Mom would have been upset if they had gotten one, I wonder if maybe that would have been a lesser evil than the flat-out forbidding of tattoos to an almost-adult child.)
Just thoughts ... Some children never rebel in these ways. I was happy to be dutiful and make my parents happy. My expressions of individuality were limited to something like listening to "popular music" and wearing perfume when my parents didn't do either. :) But I have strong-willed and opinionated daughters and I just wonder... What am I in for?
This may be a pipe dream, but I hope to do things differently than the woman who controls her 19 year old's earring choices. I hope to trust my daughters, to have faith in the years of values that I have worked to instill. And then at the age that seems right, to take a breath, say a prayer, stop controlling, put aside my preferences, look them in their eyes and say: "I trust you and I know that you will make good choices."
And God willing, they will. :) And if not, I will love them just the same.
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