Evening Thoughts

I am, what is called, a "perfectionist."

Throughout my life, I've been told that being a perfectionist is a flaw.

People say, disparagingly, "Oh, you're just such a perfectionist" or "Stop being such a perfectionist."

Other perfectionists I know bemoan this "flaw" or are apologetically dismissive: "It's just me, I'm such a perfectionist . . . "

And I've often been secretly frustrated and rebellious. What is wrong with desiring perfection? Is there ANY circumstance in life where one should not desire perfection?

So I come, in my thoughts, to the idea of goodness, or virtue, as a mean between two vices -- "Moral virtue is a mean, then . . . it is a mean between two vices, the one involving excess, the other deficiency." (Aristotle, Nicomachean Ethics, II-ix) And to me, this is how I see that perfectionism is, indeed, a "virtue" (in a loose sense of the word). It is good to desire what is perfect and to strive for it. Obviously, there is an excess of perfectionism -- being ruled by unrealistic expectations -- and a deficiency in perfectionism -- carelessness, or sloth maybe. But the excess or the deficiency come about by what we allow ourselves to do or think when our inborn, innate human desiring for perfection is unsatisfied and disappointed in this sinful world, this vale of tears.

The desiring of perfection, in and of itself, is never a flaw. Neither is it a flaw to strive for that "best".

However, when a long day is over, when you've tried and tried and failed, when you cannot change it or fix it or find a solution or an answer and you find yourself brought up violently against the reality that things are NEVER going to be perfect, that deep down core of you that strives and struggles and needs to find the perfect in this life can be angry, can be crushed, can be betrayed, can want to give up. And in this moment you know you have gone too far, you have stopped just desiring the perfection and have started to expect it, to try to force it, to think you deserve it.

And so, you turn, in the dark, dead end and you say to Him, "Why? You gave me this longing! You let me see You in that never-to-be-forgotten flashing moment when I came forth from You. Before I was sent away from You to this world, I saw You! And You promised me perfection. You promised that everything would be all right in the end, that goodness and perfection can be! How can I be satisfied with anything less than You, God? How can I accept anything but You when I know You, in my heart of hearts, I KNOW You.

And then, of course, He will say to you, "Wait. I am making all things new. Wait for My timing."

And then you can take heart again. He is coming. He is keeping His promise. Perfection will be made possible for you and for all. In God's good time.

"Come, O Lord, do not tarry. Do away with the offenses of your people."

"Come, O Lord, in peace visit us, that with a perfect heart we may rejoice before You."

Don't stop desiring perfection. It is a remnant of that First Moment of your existence and He doesn't want you to ever let it go.