"These are the days that try men's souls "
Who said that? Hamlet?
And actually, it's women's souls being tried in this case.
These days I am confused and achy and impatient.
These days it seems like all I do is bend, or reach, or lift, or drag, or sit down and then spring up, or anything but the perfect state that is STILLNESS.
These days my muscles are strained to breaking, I can barely walk, I wish I had exercised more, but am not doing a dang thing about that now.
These days I am remembering the sweet baby smell, the little noises, the tiny fingers and toes, the deep wide eyes.
These days I am also remembering how much work labor is (and nursing, and diaper changing and night wakings and a sore and squashy body, and hormones, and . . . ) and I really think I wanna back out now.
These days Turtle is on a role of "Mommy, mommy, mommy" and I move from one demand or need to the next in a haze of frustration.
These days no clothes fit and nothing looks good and I have bags under my eyes and . . . when did I last look in the mirror and not despair?
These days, I can't go for 1/2 hr without a bathroom within reach.
These days I am so confused as to what I want that I don't know how to even behave any more.
These days all I know is that I crave sitting on the couch like a vegetable surrounded by books, chocolate, ice to chew :) and a warm blanket and being left alone.
These days all I want is . . . for the baby to stay inside me forever . . . to get the blasted child OUT of me . . . to sit and close my eyes and do nothing . . . to frantically clean the house, make dinners to freeze, get all the Christmas shopping done, organize my entire house, throw away half of it . . .
Yes, these are the days that are trying my soul.
And actually, it's women's souls being tried in this case.
These days I am confused and achy and impatient.
These days it seems like all I do is bend, or reach, or lift, or drag, or sit down and then spring up, or anything but the perfect state that is STILLNESS.
These days my muscles are strained to breaking, I can barely walk, I wish I had exercised more, but am not doing a dang thing about that now.
These days I am remembering the sweet baby smell, the little noises, the tiny fingers and toes, the deep wide eyes.
These days I am also remembering how much work labor is (and nursing, and diaper changing and night wakings and a sore and squashy body, and hormones, and . . . ) and I really think I wanna back out now.
These days Turtle is on a role of "Mommy, mommy, mommy" and I move from one demand or need to the next in a haze of frustration.
These days no clothes fit and nothing looks good and I have bags under my eyes and . . . when did I last look in the mirror and not despair?
These days, I can't go for 1/2 hr without a bathroom within reach.
These days I am so confused as to what I want that I don't know how to even behave any more.
These days all I know is that I crave sitting on the couch like a vegetable surrounded by books, chocolate, ice to chew :) and a warm blanket and being left alone.
These days all I want is . . . for the baby to stay inside me forever . . . to get the blasted child OUT of me . . . to sit and close my eyes and do nothing . . . to frantically clean the house, make dinners to freeze, get all the Christmas shopping done, organize my entire house, throw away half of it . . .
Yes, these are the days that are trying my soul.
Comments
You are NOT alone!!! I know exactly how you feel; I could have written that post! ;)
Is it awful I chose the hospital over the birthing center because they have a nursery, so I can sleep while nurses watch my newborn? :)